Weddings
I suspect that weddings might be the biggest stressor for young couples my age.
I’m not saying I’m a wedding expert, but I’ve attended around fifteen of them and married off four siblings because Catholic. *dusts hands*
Really, it all boils down to three things.
1. Spiritual coming-together-ness, whatever your faith.
2. A giant fun party.
3. Outsmarting all the stupid people who want your money, i.e. the wedding industry. This you can easily do because you are already smarter than you realize.
The first one can be difficult for two families from different faith backgrounds, but with careful negotiation, the realization that you just can’t make everyone happy all the time, and generosity of heart, it comes together.
Or maybe if you aren’t religious, it just boils down to a simple fee and certificate and yay you can file your taxes together now!
The second one is really simple.
1. Venue
2. Booze & food
3. Entertainment & music
People overthink this like you wouldn’t believe and stress about the cost. They avoid getting married like the plague because oh no how would we feed all those people and we just don’t have the money right now and alcohol is so expensive and we don’t like to dance though.
Every wedding I have ever been to has been beautiful, and I love attending the weddings of people I don’t know that well because through that, I come to learn more about their love and how they met and their personalities. I suspect that people of my parents’ age feel the same, because trust me, they’ve been to a million weddings and so they really aren’t going to judge yours. Why would you feel the need to keep up with the Joneses and impress your parents’ friends and your older relatives?
Do you really need to pay for an open bar so all your friends can get sloshed and make fools of themselves and be a general nuisance? No, no you do not. Do you need to provide adult drinks for those adults who want to toast you with something fancy? Maybe. You might find your friend who owns a winery actually giving you many bottles, and in that you might learn humility, because weddings are also about your community coming together to support you as a couple. Never turn away generosity and try to rely only on yourself.
Really, the best weddings are the ones that force your families to work together — Hey, can you set up the sound system the day before and make a playlist? We can’t afford a DJ — and inspire generosity in all those around. Because trust me, they love you, and they want to bless you in your new life.
The food and the venue — well, that’s just basic strategy. Pick the hall attached to your church, or your parents’ house, or if you’re me and have eleven nieces and nephews, pick somewhere with a big lawn. I always love kid-friendly weddings — your guests don’t have to find babysitters and leave them at home, it shows great generosity on your part as the couple getting married, and it’s important for kids to see the joyful birth of a couple’s new life together. As for the food — why do you worry? Do hor d’oeuvres at 3pm, aka strategically avoid feeding people a full meal. Or, again, force your family to cook. Er, ask them.
As for the wedding industry…ok, this is part of why I hate Instagram and Pinterest. It’s all HERE’S A PRODUCT YOU NEED TO BE HAPPY and HERE’S ANOTHER PRODUCT YOU NEED TO BE HAPPY and on and on and on and on endlessly. The wedding industry is an industry — they want to trick you into wanting, wanting, wanting, and buying, buying, buying. I think some women actually believe their wedding is their chance to be a princess for a day. Nah. It’s really about starting a new life with your man and swearing before God to be faithful to him.
So as the bride, you do some basic things. Find the local shop that sells the most beautiful, secondhand wedding dresses for the right price. Thrift the mason jars or what-have-you for table centerpieces from Goodwill, have a friend do the flower arrangements, etc. I enjoy finding the classiest ways to do things in the dirt-cheapest ways. My family is very good at this.
I’ve always kind of wanted to be a wedding planner. Maybe someday some friends will hire me to help with theirs. Or maybe I will have one of my own. A girl can only dream…
What about my wedding plans, you ask? With my giant extended family on both sides (because Catholic) and lotsa lotsa friends and living in like the most expensive state in the U.S. (Oregon)?
Hmmm, I don’t know. I enjoy shocking people.
Maybe my wedding dress will be blue, because that’s super Catholic. American wedding dresses are white because Queen Victoria set a trend — before that, Christian women tended to just wear their best dress, a dress they would later rewear on Sundays for practical reasons. Laura Ingalls got married in black, actually. And I feel some antipathy toward the British monarchy because they’ve done things like authorize the slaughter of Catholics and the slaughter of Indians and the slaughter of South Africans. So maybe I will wear blue because it looks good on me and white doesn’t and as a homage to my grandma who wore blue for her wedding who is no longer here, because Catholics are very big on TRADITION!!! (You have to hear that word as he sings it in Fiddler on the Roof).
And then I think instead of a guestbook which I would pack away into a box and never look at again, I will have a wedding certificate with GIANT margins — I’ve heard it’s a Quaker tradition to have all the guests sign the certificate, and this is also very Catholic. All the guests at the ceremony are witnesses to your vows too, not just your maid-of-honor and best man.
And the party? Hmmmm, maybe it will be later in the day after the wedding, so people can drive home and change clothes first, and it will be next to a lake on a large lawn with some chill music for those who want to dance, and board games on every table because that’s how my family has always bonded, and people will bring their kayaks and floaties because I love hanging out on the water, and everyone will keep an eye out to ensure the kids are safe, and all will do what they enjoy and make some friends. Because I have the best relatives and friends, I see God in all of them, in the ways they have shown kindness to me, and they should all chill out and get to know each other.
