Midwinter Dreamin’
One does try very hard to wake up each day and be a better Christian.
What’s that the Baltimore Catechism says…our job really is to know, love, and serve God in this life and be happy with Him in the next…
Get your head in the game, Genevieve.
Why aren’t you LISTENING, Genevieve?
You’re such a dreamer, Genevieve…
You might have ADHD, Genevieve…
This is why I empty my head on the page in the morning and attempt to stop hyperanalyzing the past, pray for them all, and leave them behind.
It’s a bit hard since I fell in love with God again, you see.
Oops sorry, was checking out to write Him passion poetry in my head again.
Oops sorry, was gazing at the sunshine and raindrops again.
Oops sorry, that’s my boyfriend calling…
But it’s T minus eight days before a Catholic male descends on my head — er, home — to check in on his mutti, and I really do NOT want to have the What are you doing with your life? convo.
And then the other one with four kids is coming next month…
I really don’t think anyone around me understands why I spent three months falling and falling and falling into God again. And pouring prayers and Jesus and God at everyone around me…
There was a point on Christmas where my brother-in-law walked into the room and I was so deep in meditation, I just looked up and said: Where is your wife?
I thought it was a fair question. He never shows up without my sister, and I was vaguely wondering where the gaggle of their girls was.
The room exploded in laughter and my oldest brother started teasing me that He’s allowed to come by himself I’m sure he likes to think of himself as his own person…
Well.
Is he though?
Families are like this super interconnected, ridiculous web.
I do recall reading somewhere that marriage is basically figuring out another person for the entire rest of your life.
Which sounds like so much fun.
There were some tears to my parents last night, especially involving the words How DARE they judge my relationship? It’s MY relationship, MINE. How DARE the siblings wag their fingers and tell me stupid shit like never-make-a-financial-decision-without-your-husband when OF COURSE I know that, I’ve watched my parents who have a very happy thirty-eight year marriage and are you seriously going to tell me you won’t support me having kids…
There was some necessary hand-patting.
But if those brothers show up and use words like “lazy” and “depressed” when I’ve been rejoicing, resting, meditating, praying, discerning, and writing for three months, I’m going to start chucking forks at the dinner table.
So it’s time for the job applications. Hey, we can all pray that God will make my college dream of being a barista come true!
I realized I didn’t need the tattoo for my unemployed itinerant artist aesthetic. The messy bun will do.
The “unemployed” part, though…
Thank God I have that college mentor who said he will recommend me until Jesus comes.
My best friend and I do not discuss business, ever.
My boyfriend tries super hard to make ALL of my dreams come true. I have to be careful what I say to him, or it tends to just show up on my doorstep two days later in surprising and exciting ways.
I do believe I recall telling him at a certain point: Hey, here’s the perfect family dog! I’ve always wanted one, we had one when I was a kid. They are great for roadtrips and hey, they are black and white and brown like us!
Oh.
Oh NO.
I had better go make sure he knows we can’t get one until we have a yard.
