Chocolate and Vanilla Swiiiiirrrrrrrrrrl

Ok so I was talking with my dude about being a biracial couple in America.

Which is kind of an asinine term because in reality, we are all one human race…but I digress.

The first time he brought it up, I was like:

Oh honey. My nun friends are all kinds of Asian. My parish is largely Hispanic. One of my best friends growing up was from Haiti…

Ok but then we were talking about my extremely large and vanilla clan. Well, mostly vanilla. There’s some cinnamon in there, but it’s strongly diluted — their first kid came out a redhead, and the entire family was like: Uuuuuuuhhhh did someone make a mistake at the hospital?

The second time he brought it up all worried, I was like: Ok, storytime.

So the first Wolf cub was polished to perfection and toddled off to a proper Catholic universityTM to get a proper Catholic higher education. He was dissuaded from majoring in history and ended up doing — you guessed it! — coding and is now a good, proper family provider.

Repeat with the second, slight variation because she’s female.

The third one made waves by going farthest away to a large public school. But then, he’s always been such a loud pain in the ass…won’t shut up about how he’s technically the firstborn because he was the first vaginally delivered blah blah blah blah blah blah…and to be honest, all of us have gone through periods where we just needed to break away from the pack for some sanity.

Wolf cub number four went to nursing school at Gonzaga. Come graduation time, we all piled in some vehicles and drove up there. I was at her nursing pinning ceremony when the speaker praised various pioneers of modern medicine in America, including Margaret Sanger.

Yeah.

Margaret Sanger.

The racist eugenicist who founded Planned Parenthood.

The woman who thought abortion is oh-so-lovely-for-women and thought there should be fewer black and brown babies in the world.

No, I shit you not. It’s in her writings.

So my parents were like: REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

***fingers clutching at the sky***

She said that at a Catholic school??????????? We signed checks to this place????????? NEVER AGAIN!!!!!!!!!!!

Because while you don’t have to have ten kids to be a good Catholic, you do have to hate two things:

a) Racism

b) Killing babies

We just aren’t really stoked about the whole: reach in with a forceps, grab a leg, pull until it rips, repeat with all the other limbs, insert vacuum to scoop out brains, end with pulling out skull thing.

And if you don’t think that’s how late-term surgical abortions work, uuuuuuuhhhhh where have you been, are you even American, dude google it.

Those are still legal in Oregon, I’m pretty sure.

At that point, babies can feel pain. I wonder, if they could scream in pain, what would it sound like? Imagine it…

Hear that?

That’s demons laughing in gleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee.

So anyway. That’s part of why I was allowed to attend a Quaker school, because my parents were like Screw these colleges that call themselves “Catholic”!

Statistically, to this day, most Planned Parenthoods are located in minority neighborhoods. Funny how the devil works his magic…

So when my man asked me how I vote, I was like: Well, there’s one party that never shuts about how much they love abortion, soooooooooo…

Not that one!