7 Stages of Procrastination in College
DENIAL
I can’t do this. it’s too much. why is college so hard? it shouldn’t be this hard. I OBJECT!!! ugh, but probably the problem is me. but really, I can’t manage that giant essay. and then the essay due two days after that. and then the project after that which my prof has given really vague directions on so clearly it’s all his fault and how on EARTH am I going to manage that I can’t it’s a research paper I absolutely suck at those there’s no way I can
GUILT
if I don’t do homework tonight tomorrow is going to be soooooo hard because I will have way too much writing to do but I will try to be really productive and ultimately fail and probably if I’m not going to study I should at least go to sleep but if I do that then tomorrow will be here in like approximately three seconds and I don’t want it to be tomorrow but I know I should sleep BUT NETFLIX ugh man my sleep schedule is so bad why don’t you take better care of yourself? you never sleep enough you should really just go to bed but
ANGER AND BARGAINING
ARRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG. ok, maybe a mini Snickers will help. oh yikes my desk is messy. should definitely clean that next weekend. didn’t do it last weekend or the weekend before that or the weekend before that or the weekend before that. UGH DUDE YOU’RE SO LAZY! another Snickers can’t hurt. wonder what food I have left in the kitchen. OOOO must remember to get more Nutella. where’s my grocery list? what should I cook next week? do I have enough energy to go get my recipe book from the kitchen no sheesh another Snickers can’t hurt wait was that my third or fourth? wait am I hungry? ugh but I don’t feel like eating any of my food what did my roommates leave in the kitchen for everyone to eat? are there pastries? I should eat something real but first let’s YouTube
DEPRESSION/LONELINESS/REFLECTION
ERMERGERD how did forty-five minutes go by so fast??? wow I am the worst. I’m never going to get this done and I’m going to fail this class and then I won’t be able to graduate on time. how am I going to tell mom and dad? they are going to be so disappointed in me…ugh, sucks being the only roommate still awake. I should really buckle down and get some homework done but now I’m tired so maybe I should just Netflix for a bit. ugh Netflix is the WORST there’s nothing good to watch I can’t believe I’ve already seen everything good there is to watch on Netflix really I should ask my sis for her Hulu password but then I would have a whole new platform with all these great shows to explore and I would REALLY never get any homework done should just stick with Netflix ugh too creepy ugh aaaaaaaaaaaugh ugh avoid avoid avoid all the autoplay previews for creepy Halloween movies ooooh what’s this? oh boo, doesn’t actually look that good. guess I will have to settle for that mediocre series I’ve been reluctantly watching
RECONSTRUCTION/WORKING THROUGH
CRAP IT’S ONE AM????? SHOOT SHOOT SHOOT tomorrow is going to be the worst I’m going to be so tired guess another episode won’t hurt because I’m going to be too tired to be productive tomorrow anyway no no NO DUDE shut the computer turn off the light set an alarm remember when you get up tomorrow to…
ACCEPTANCE
Today is going to be AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA [ABSOLUTE PANIC]
